PopWatch is on a quest to determine the Greatest Guilty Pleasure Reality TV Show of All Time. We have 32 seeded contestants in four categories (see full bracket here), and we’re now entering our fourth and final category, Competition shows! After you vote, please leave comments about why you love the show you chose. Come back Friday to see who makes it to the semifinals.

Quarterfinals, Competition: Celebrity Apprentice vs. Celebrity Mole

Celebrity Apprentice
It’s the only chance we ever get to see Tom Green and Dennis Rodman drinking together, Stephen Baldwin discussing corporate espionage, Piers Morgan calling Lenox Lewis “a pretty boy,” and Clint Black wearing a Bluetooth while talking on a different cellphone. And who could forget Joan and Melissa Rivers and their showdown with poker champ Annie Duke? Even the Donald seems frightened sometimes, but hey it’s all for charity. And trainwreck TV. Coming soon, Sharon Osbourne, Sinbad, and Darryl Strawberry are among a motley group of celebs we’ll soon be seeing skewered in the boardroom. – Wendy Mitchell

Celebrity Mole
D-list celebs playing for cash for themselves not a charity? Guilty! But then, you see, they really want to win, and, in some cases, they delivered the finest performances of their careers (i.e. Stephen Baldwin — him again! — sheep wrangling). The reason the show was a pleasure was two-fold: For starters, the stars actually had to work. While they completed mental and physical challenges to add to the kitty, one among them tried to sabotage the group. They survived elimination by outscoring the others on a weekly quiz, which tested both their powers of observation and theories on the identity of the mole. Paranoia is good TV, especially when it’s coming from Corbin Bernsen. – Mandi Bierly

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Photo Credit: Celebrity Apprentice: Ali Goldstein/NBC; Celebrity Mole: Mitchell Haaseth

This week’s episode of Bones made my Must List months ago when it was first announced that Zooey Deschanel would be joining sister Emily on the show for a guest spot as Bones’ second cousin. And last Thursday’s preview featuring David Boreanaz in his boxer shorts just sealed the deal.

Zooey is the guest star hardcore Bones fans have been hoping for a while, so her appearance is a welcome pre-Christmas gift from the writers. Some are holding out for a sister duet on the show (Zooey is one half of indie act She & Him), but I’m not that greedy. All I want is my token semi-big Booth-Bones moment before the end of the first half of the show’s awesome fifth season. Not that the season hasn’t been filled with a million melt-worthy scenes between my favorite TV not-a-couple, but Bones writers are usually diligent about leaving viewers with enough swoon material to keep us warm between shows.

So now it’s your turn. Is there a guest star you’re looking forward to this week or a fall finale that blew you away? Do share. Also pitch your picks for best music, movies and online videos of the week! (Remember: Justify your pick well and leave an e-mail in case your pick ends up in the magazine.)

They sure do like some delayed gratification on this show, but this week all our hard work watching thin, pretty young(ish) people pretending to be rich teenagers with problems finally, finally, finally paid off! God bless the holidays and their hiatuses.

First we got a totally lovesick, humbled Teddy, who went soft once he fell for Silver while helping her care for her sick mom. (Props for the whole breast-cancer-awareness Warriors in Pink shout-out. I’m all for that product placement.) He seemed pretty awful when he first came to West Bev, but this romantic act is working nicely on him, even if he does look like he’s two decades out of high school. (Or at least one.)

Then we got a lovesick Liam (what are they putting in the Bev Hills water these days?), who was mooning over Naomi after telling her he’d slept with her sister on prom night. (Yes, it’s so weird how the girl didn’t absolutely swoon over that one, because it’s so much more charming than him sleeping with her random, not-that-close friend, Annie.) “You could’ve put a stop to this months ago, Liam,” she told him, echoing my thoughts of the last, um, months. “Why didn’t you tell me what happened prom night?” (Just think of how much free time we all would’ve had on Tuesday nights if he had. We could’ve all been building boats instead of watching 90210. But we’ll get to the boat in a moment.)

Clearly needing a moment to collect themselves from all this heartbreak, the boys came together for one of their now-classic feeling-sharing summits, which resulted in Navid telling Teddy to “show her your heart.” This was at the same time that Naomi and Silver were discussing their St. Barts holiday plans, and Naomi was detailing her preparations for the topless beaches: “Don’t worry,” she told Silver. “I’ve been tanning my tatas in anticipation.” Score one for the girls, with extra points for alliteration.

Also talking about feelings, suddenly, were Mama Wilson and Dixon, who, it turns out, is adopted! And black! Who knew? Not that I want them to harp on this every week or anything, but it was nice to see them acknowledging that this couldn’t have been the smoothest transition. “It was like I woke up one morning surrounded by white people I was supposed to bond with,” he said, thus setting us up for the Obligatory Birth Parent Finding story lines to come when the show returns.

Teddy, meanwhile, decided that the way to show Silver his heart was on the Blaze TV channel closed-circuit deal at school. Totally cheesy (and made me think fondly back to Seth jumping on the coffee cart on The O.C. to declare his love to Summer … miss you, good years of The O.C.!), but effective nonetheless. Even better: Silver shot him down. He wasn’t about to get off easy here.

And he was right, she did look beautiful at the dance — not everybody can pull off wearing, like, 2 square feet of shimmery material and make it look classy. (Nor can just anyone freak out about forgetting to match their cell phone cover to their outfit while remaining endearing, but that is why we love Naomi: “Baby blue? Kill me now.”) Because we hadn’t had quite enough schmaltz yet, we got a blizzard of it at the dance, complete with Teddy kissing Silver on the dance floor and saying, “If you can honestly tell me you didn’t feel anything, I’ll stop trying.” (Maybe because he’s never had to actually romance a girl, the only moves and lines he knows are from a thousand movies?) Naomi tried to talk some sense into Silver when she once again rejected Teddy, urging her to give it a try: “Otherwise the moment could pass and the guy you like will end up with some she-male who only has one pair of shoes.” (That would be Liam and Ivy.)

As if all of this weren’t Christmas gift enough, we got a resolution to the lingering Jasper story line as well! Annie finally believed he was a drug dealer, after her former friends (with whom she’s slowly making amends) staged an intervention of sorts. Didn’t really buy that seeing Annie with him, of all things, would be what prompted Adriana to rat on Jasper. (One would think the guy putting the love of her life in the hospital would’ve done the trick.) But I’ll take it anyway. Then, when Annie finally confronted him about it, he dropped the bomb on her: “I accidentally pushed Navid down the stairs. And you accidentally ran over my uncle.” At last!

Then Dixon kissed Silver instead of telling her Teddy really liked her!

And Ivy texted Naomi to tell her to go to Liam’s and they made up and kissed! And he showed her (and us) what was under the tarp! And it was … a boat? Okay, sure. “They told me at the wilderness program to redirect my anger,” he explained. Huh. Well. Anyway. Now these two ridiculously attractive people can be happy together and have hot sex again and we don’t have to wonder what’s under the darn tarp! Merry Christmas to all!

What did you think, PopWatchers? Were these resolutions the answers to all of your holiday wishes? What are you most excited about seeing when 90210 returns? Annie’s comeuppance? Dixon and Silver? Dixon and Teddy? Which phone cover Naomi will use next?

Even in Melrose Place’s heyday starring deranged Kimberly, I don’t recall an underwater catfight that resulted in murder. So congratulations, Melrose Place 2.0, you have set a new benchmark with this episode.

I had hoped our patience with so-so plotlines like Anton V and his boring denim line would pay off – and Melrose writers gave us a early Christmas present with this episode cramming in everything but the kitchen sink. Let’s see, “San Vicente” gave us murder, sex, drugs, theft, broken hearts, kidnapping, a Hollywood deal, a relapsed alcoholic, police deception, adultery, Katie Cassidy in black lace underwear – and a partridge in a pear tree. Whew.

In flashback, we found out what Amanda was hoping to find in Sydney’s safe. Amanda confronted Sydney in a church – possibly just to set up her insult: “Atoning for your laundry list of sins? You’re going to be here a long time.” (Meanwhile, that micro-mini of Amanda’s seemed like it was destined to burst into flames in any house of worship.) It turns out these two Melrose veterans had been working together on an art-heist ring (move over, David) and Amanda accused Sydney of stealing a $19 million painting. To add to the drama, it seems like each of them had been having special “reunions” with Michael in the not-too-distant past — we knew Sydney was in on the father-son act, so now how long before Amanda makes a move on David?

But back to father and son, and enter evil stepmother! From the comments in past recaps, I know I’m not the only one who found Michael’s wife Vanessa to be increasingly shady. So it turns out she did kill Sydney after learning of her affair with Michael; it didn’t help that Syd also called out Vanessa for sleeping with David before she married Michael – and she insinuated that Noah could be David’s son. Do family trees get any worse?

Michael doesn’t know that potential paternity tidbit, and he’s the one that called (from prison) to tell David that Vanessa killed Sydney and David needed to go save Noah. Instead of saving Noah, David was called again to save Lauren and left Violet to babysit the little lad. (It’s not the murder scenes that will give me nightmares, it’s the thought that somebody entrusted a child to Violet.)

Lauren was in the hospital after her client Rick drugged her with a new club drug called “Nexus.” (TV industry, did you learn nothing from that ridiculous Brandon Walsh U4EA episode? Fake drugs look stupid, as do drugged-up blurry point-of-view shots before a character passes out.) Anyway, David came to the rescue but now he’ll find out about Lauren’s secret sideline.

When Vanessa came looking for Noah and found him with Violet, it was Ashlee Simpson’s BIG ACTING MOMENT: “Sydney Andrews was my mother. She was the only person who ever loved me and you took her away.” I guess they don’t give Emmys for “almost rising to the challenge” but Ashlee didn’t ruin the scene as much as I feared. And with no time for small talk, Vanessa pulled out a gun and threatened Violet, they tumbled into the pool, at which point Violet killed her. Deliciously, Amanda came home in the midst of the action and provided a fake story to the cops, which should leave Violet in her eternal debt. When does the blackmail start?

With all that mayhem, thank goodness (unintentional) comedic relief came from that insane portrait of Auggie that Violet painted then burned in a firepit. I was kind of hoping that Ashlee and Colin would be saying their goodbyes before we head into the holiday break, but no such luck tonight.

Of course, I saved the best for last – after Riley had cold feet and postponed their wedding, Jonah got revved up and dumped her. Perhaps he was high off that big Hollywood deal Ella has in the works for him. So he left sad Riley and their sad yellow station wagon and went straight to Ella (cue my heart leaping). We’ve been seeing some build-up to this all season, and I feared when it happened it wouldn’t seem natural But these two have real chemistry. Ella makes Jonah seem sexier and more rebellious; Jonah makes Ella seem almost sweet and lovestruck – this vixen is just a girl excited to finally get her guy! I look forward to seeing how they keep up the sparks for longer than one night.

Line of the night: Sydney to Amanda, in church: “Don’t you ever get tired of falsely accusing people? Even the lord rested on the seventh day.”

So, Melrose Place watchers, there is a lot of excitement to discuss – sound off in the comments below. Was it too much action for one episode or did you like that we got Sydney’s murder solved and Vanessa out of the picture in one quick move? Who else loves Ella and Jonah getting together?

Photo Credit: Michael Desmond/The CW

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History was made on Tuesday night’s episode of The Biggest Loser. And EW has an interview with the winner….all is revealed after the jump!

Danny Cahill, the 40-year-old land surveyor and father of two from Broken Arrow, Okla., is now the biggest loser — quite literally — of  The Biggest Loser. Having shed 239 pounds (more than any other contestant in the show’s history), Cahill talked to EW after the Dec. 8 finale about the milestone and whether his rapid weight loss was safe.

EW: You are truly the biggest loser!
DANNY CAHILL: Yes, no one has ever lost that amount of weight. What’s crazy was that the record was 214 pounds by (season three winner) Erik Chopin and Rudy beat him, and then I beat Rudy! That was two records set in one night. This season, Rudy and I have been a great, friendly, competitive team. We love each other, we push each other, so it’s only fitting that we both set the record the same night.

Before you started The Biggest Loser, when was the last time you stepped on a scale?
Oh, I have no idea. I didn’t step on a scale for forever because I was scared to! I didn’t know how much I weighed, and when I’d go to the doctor’s office, I’d be on the scale and say, “Oh, it’s because I’m wearing shoes” or “I had my wallet in my pocket.” I mean, I was scared.

When you stepped on that scale tonight and it read 191 lbs, were you surprised?
You know, the number was a surprise because I thought it was going to be less than that. I worked hard the last two weeks. I didn’t get on the scale because you know what, I knew I had a number I need to get and I’m just going to get it. So I worked as hard as I could and I didn’t worry about the scale or the number. I knew what I was doing and I knew what I needed to do. If you do the work, the results will happen.

Because this season was so successful, the show invited scrutiny from the New York Times over whether such a rapid weight loss program was unsafe. Was it? Did you take the weight off safely?
I did nothing unhealthy. I ate right and I worked my tail off. I did nothing unhealthy. It was a natural weight loss and you can’t get any healthier than that. I was a couch potato about to have a heart attack seven months ago.

Can you answer the question we’re all secretly wondering? What’s going on with the excess skin under your T-shirt? Are you wrapped in five yards of elastic that’s holding it all in?
I’ve got some skin and you know what? Those issues will be taken care of in time (he laughs). When you weigh 430 pounds, and you had a stomach as big as I did, you’re gonna have some skin. But that’s okay, because you know what? I can run a marathon now, thanks to The Biggest Loser.

More Biggest Loser from EW:
Biggest Loser finale recap: The end of the road
Rebecca Meyer visits Jay Leno: Hottest ”Loser” ever?

Photo Credit: Trae Patton/NBC

HIEROGLYPHICS AND OTHER INTRIGUING ADDENDUMS

Mulling the mysteries of the Lost: The Complete Fifth Season DVD

There’s been a lot of buzz about the Lost: The Complete Fifth Season DVD, in stores now. Maybe it’s because fans have heard a lot about the cool collection of bonus features (like Lost University, only on Blu-ray). Maybe it’s because they’re excited to relive classic moments like the Sawyer/Juliet kiss, the Locke/Ben strangulation, or the Jacob/Man In Black conversation. Or maybe it’s because they’re kinky pervs who like to incorporate shiny plastic LOST-stamped discs into the sexy parts of their Jin/Sun or Hurley/Miles or Ana Lucia/Libby make-believe gameplay. Oh yes, I just went there. Good morning!

Personally, I think the acute excitement for the season 5 set is an expression of the nervy anticipation for season 6 in February. Like the lighting of the first Advent and Hanukkah candles, the DVD’s release is the first manifestation of the Lost moment — the final Lost moment — that is almost upon us. The product itself stokes that fire by including content designed to tease and frame the show’s climactic 18 hours of story. I’m told that Lost University ”curriculum” — which includes classes in philosophy, physics, and sociology — functions as an intellectual orientation to the forthcoming season’s thematic concerns. And then there are the hieroglyphics on the package itself — I’m told that, when decoded, they reveal a season 6 tease. Can′t read hieroglyphics? Well, wouldn′t you know it, Lost University includes a class on that, too.

Of course, not everyone has a Blu-ray player. And then there are those lazy, silly, uncool people who think that deciphering ancient pictograms is ”not fun” or ”too much work” — just one big ”puh-leeeze.” You know what? I do not like these people. These people are the enemies of progress and they need to be strapped to a chair and have their faces slapped with a wet uncooked hot dog by an emaciated lice-ridden gibbon with loose bowels and halitosis until they are willing to confess their profound wrongness and general lack of good taste. But I have neither the straps nor the hot dogs readily available, and so, my Lost friends, we have no choice but to help the ignorant and stubborn among us by doing their cryptography for them. And by ”us,” I mean ”you,” because the labor of concocting Lost theories each week (as well as imagining scenes of icky monkey torture) doesn’t leave enough time for genuinely useful work. So here’s my proposal:

Get the DVD. Crack the hieroglyphic code. Send me your scholarship at docjensenew@gmail.com. Next week, I will publish a sampling of the results. I say ”results” because I suspect that the decoding project could yield different answers, or at least different articulations of the same answer. Those who e-mail me their scholarship before 11:59 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 10 will receive something special. Remember in last week’s column, when I told you about the ”Letter of Truce”? I said at that time that I would reveal more of the letter’s contents in the coming weeks, including all four of Richard Alpert’s ”counters” and ”addendums.” Well, those willing to play my decoding game will get that scoop via a promptly returned e-mail. (Don’t worry: I’ll share that scoop with ALL of you in next week′s column.)

Please: Don’t make me sick my sick monkey on your less fortunate friends. This Lost advent season, help the Lost-deprived with a small donation of your obsessive Lost energy. You’ll be glad you did.

QUESTIONS FOR A SUPER-FAN: ANDREW WILMAR

Also known to his fans as Big Mouth, Andrew Wilmar is a 35-year-old lawyer living in Santa Monica, Calif., who also happens to be one of the most astute and imaginative Lost theorists on the Web. The title of his blog sums up the intensity of his obsession: Eye M Sick. I dig his curiosity, his sincere passion, and his exuberant intellect. And I suspect we share a telepathic rapport. Another journalist recently interviewed me about Lost, and when he asked me what I’ll miss most when the show ends in May, my answer was nearly word for word the same one Andrew gave me in the e-mail interview I did with him later:

NEXT PAGE: Big Mouth on the ”Three Black Swans” theory

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